i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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