The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
