Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
