Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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