theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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