i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
