I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize