so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
