Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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