hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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