At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
