Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Terrible idea I love it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
