My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
