Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
