I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Of course I have a pirate flag
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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