Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize