I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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