I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
