I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize