My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
