It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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