Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So vagazzling was a success
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
