i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
ok first of all what the fuck
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
