I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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