it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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