i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
