Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
