peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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