i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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