Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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