I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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