Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
