..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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