Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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