I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
either way he was missing a nipple.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
