How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she looked like the before picture.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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