I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
