I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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