we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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