If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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