I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
