she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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