whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why do cheetos always look like penises
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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