it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
