it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize