he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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