im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize