You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
