I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
