oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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