Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
