Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
