Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
