I want to stick my p in your. b.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
