I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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