Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
