Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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