put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
