last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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