escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
