There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
