what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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