It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
