He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
IāM PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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