I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
