we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
