I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
