He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
