masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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