You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
